The Pinwheel

IĞDIR’S FIRST AND LAST HUMOR NEWSPAPER: FIRILDAK

Dear readers! First and foremost, I wish you a happy and peaceful 2020. In today’s article, I wanted to introduce you to Iğdır’s first (and last) humor newspaper, Fırıldak.

As you know, Caucasian peoples love humor. They bring even the most serious polemics to the arena of humor with stinging mastery, adorning them with local words and idioms. Once perfected, these idioms and phrases eventually circulate by word of mouth and become public property. For example, Lawyer (later Member of Parliament) Cengiz Ekinci, in a harsh polemical environment caused by a political conflict in Kars, invented the phrase “otherwise, I’ll ‘dıbız’ them!” for the Kars governor in his newspaper. He not only shattered the Governor’s resistance but also immortalized a humorous beauty that has remained in hearts to this day. The Governor complained about Cengiz Ekinci. When Cengiz Ekinci retorted with “otherwise, I’ll ‘dıbız’ them!” to the Judge and Prosecutor in the courtroom, events took on a new dimension. Since the Judge and Prosecutor did not know what the word “dıbızlamak” meant, it was decided to form a committee of experts. When the experts also failed to reach a conclusion on the exact meaning of “dıbızlamak,” the Judge helplessly concluded the case against Cengiz Ekinci, noting, “Since the meaning of the word ‘dıbızlamak’ could not be fully understood.”

Since Cengiz Ekinci began his legal career in Iğdır, his friends there did not remain idle. They supported Cengiz Ekinci by writing dozens of poems containing the word “dıbızlamak” in the newspapers they owned. In short, when political humor master Cengiz Ekinci published the Ayhavar newspaper in Kars (November 6, 1952), Mecit Hun, inspired by his old friend Cengiz Ekinci, soon tried to fill a gap by publishing the Fırıldak newspaper in Iğdır (January 21, 1953).

Fırıldak newspaper is Iğdır’s first humor newspaper. I regret to say that, to this day, our Iğdır has not yet acquired a second humor magazine or newspaper, which makes the Fırıldak newspaper’s place in Iğdır’s cultural history quite significant. In the Fırıldak newspaper, Mecit Hun adopted the pen name “Fırıldakçı.”

If you wish, I will share some sections from the Fırıldak newspaper while also interspersing historical anecdotes that have become part of Iğdır’s lore. At the very least, let’s start the new year with a hearty laugh or a gentle smile.

***

MÜCAHİT’S PRELIMINARY EXPLANATION: In 1953, Iğdır was a district of Kars. Members of the Provincial General Assembly elected in Iğdır frequently had to go to Kars for meetings. However, two members of the Provincial General Assembly who did not fulfill this duty properly caught Fırıldak’s attention. Apparently, in those years, the monthly salary of Provincial General Assembly members was 1200 TL. Now let’s look at the news:

NEWS:

FIRILDAK NEWSPAPER Date: January 21, 1953

(Weekly Humorous Newspaper Published on Wednesdays)

OWNER: MECİT HUN YEAR: 1 ISSUE: 1

1200 BANGNOT FOR FOUR WORDS

Provincial General Assembly members Eşref Kaya and Timur Toksöz, after being on leave for 39 days, attended the last meeting on the 40th day of the Assembly and thus earned (!) their attendance fees (salaries). At this meeting, which we personally attended, Timur Toksöz spoke 3 words and Eşref Kaya spoke 1 word, thereby fulfilling the service entrusted (given) to them by the people of Iğdır.

***

MÜCAHİT’S EXPLANATION: Musa Doğan, a member of the Iğdır Permanent Commission, is trapped in Kars.

NEWS

OWNER’S WORK: FIRILDAKÇI JANUARY 21, 1953

RESPONSIBLE MANAGER: MECİD HUN YEAR: 1 ISSUE: 1

ADDRESS: M. ÇAVUŞ CAD. NO:28-A (It is a sin to read for free. Those who pay 10 kuruş can read).

NEWS

Our two Fırıldak members extorted 1200 papel with 4 words.

THEY PUT THE ‘ĞILLİYİ’ ON SHEIKH DOĞAN

They took the bread from Sheikh Doğan, our provincial permanent commission member, who had been oiling his mustache with 300 banginot (lira) a month for a year, and sent him off to Iğdır.

May God destroy the house of the unjust!

***

MÜCAHİT’S PRELIMINARY EXPLANATION: In those years, the Mayor of Iğdır was Mir Ali (Mireli) Ural, the Mayor of Kars was Nevruz Gündoğdu, and the Mayor of Tuzluca was Hüseyin Bayram. Fırıldak targets these mayors.

NEWS

TRANSFERS AMONG MAYORS

According to what we learned from Nadir Taşdemir, who is famous and well-known for obtaining reliable news, transfers have been made among the mayors of Kars, Tuzluca, and Iğdır. Hüseyin Bayram, the mayor of Tuzluca, has been appointed to Kars to solve Kars’s bread problem, utilizing his expertise and experience in baking, and to print his clichés made in Ankara abundantly in Ekinci. Narvız, who is fed up with Topal’s (Cengiz Ekinci) ‘dıbız,’ has been appointed to Iğdır, and Mireli has been appointed to the mayoralty of Tuzluca to put Tuzluca’s municipal affairs in order.

KANDRABATÇI KELBAY ASKER EMMİ WAS SOFTLY CHEATED BY A HAJI

Recently, our esteemed Haji added water to the cooked meal of Kelbay Esker Emmi from Melekli, who had sold a brand of cotton called ‘kazık’ by tricking our esteemed district governor. You can guess tomorrow who our Haji is, who made Esker Emmi, angered by this soft cotton trick, give up!…

COMPLAINT ABOUT THE SECURITY OF KARS CITY CLUB

According to the news we received from Fırıldak’s correspondent in Kars, members of the Republican People’s Party complained about the lack of security in the poker room of the City Club and requested the authorities to rectify the situation. Rasim Hoca stated in his petition that he could not play poker with peace of mind even for a single day.

***

MÜCAHİT’S PRELIMINARY EXPLANATION: Aziz Güney and Ali Orkun opened ARAS, Iğdır’s first cinema, in 1948.

NEWS

THE CUNNING OF CINEMA OWNERS

Our Fırıldak cinema owners, wishing to avoid the burden of separate advertising for each film, prepared the following common text to be valid for all local and foreign, old and new films, and provided a copy to our newspaper: “Love, adventure, murder, happiness, sacrifice, equipped with the most beautiful scenes; the most magnificent, splendid, superb, exceptional film of the season (???) will be shown at Aras Cinema. Boxes and seats are about to be sold out. You must see this marvelous film. Hurry to secure your place.”

***

MÜCAHİT’S PRELIMINARY EXPLANATION: Before 1828, the Iğdır region was under the administration of Iranian Khanates. The currency used in those years was called ŞAH. For those wishing to travel from Iğdır to Iran (in those years, Yerevan was also an Iranian khanate), the biggest difficulty was crossing the Aras River safely. Six Şahs had to be paid to a guide for each crossing.

NEWS

FOR SIX ŞAHS

In the past, those who wanted to cross the Aras River, as there were no boats or bridges, would apply to guides and cross in convoys. Two friends, who earned their living by guiding, would take their customers across the Aras at crossing points, charging 6 Şahs per person.

One day, as the two friends were taking a convoy across the Aras again, Ali, whose duty was to inform the guide about passengers coming from behind the convoy and caught in the current, called out to Hasan, who was guiding:

“Hey Hasan! Abbasali flowed away…” (Meaning, he was swept away by the water!)

Hasan, who had no other concern than collecting 6 Şahs, got angry and replied to Ali:

“Don’t bother me, let him flow, he doesn’t have his 6 Şahs anyway…”

***

MÜCAHİT’S EXPLANATION: Fırıldak newspaper receives letters from its readers and publishes these writings in the Fırıldak Postası section.

NEWS

FIRILDAK POST

FIRST LETTER

Mr. Hasan Tezel Miller IĞDIR

Question: I am going to Iran. What should I do to avoid being robbed at the Gürbulak border post?

Answer: It’s easy, sir. You get a letter of recommendation from Mecid Hun, the owner of Dil Gazetesi.

SECOND LETTER

Mr. Ali Yeniaras Lawyer KARS

Question: Isn’t Cengiz’s Ayhavar enough, you also brought out a Fırıldak on us?

Answer: You are mistaken! My dear. There is no Ayhavar without Fırıldak. I identify the Fırıldaks. And Cengiz cries out (havar eyler).

THIRD LETTER

Mr. Bederi Münir Şefkatli Lawyer and Chief Editor of Yayla Newspaper AĞRI

Question: I don’t know the meaning of the name Ayhavar. Could you please explain it?

Answer: Cengiz didn’t know either. Once upon a time, Hacı Kulem (Hacı Gulem Parlar) emmi, due to a Fırıldak-like cotton sale, climbed onto a chair in the middle of the street without permission from the security authorities and shouted, “Ayhavar! Don’t let them, Eşref (Başaran) took it!” Then we understood that ayhavar meant “help!”

However, if you take the trouble to visit Iğdır one day, this time you can see how the partners cried “ay havar” because of Hacı emmi’s trouble.

FOURTH LETTER

Latif Polat Construction Contractor IĞDIR

Question: Although I learned how to build apartments, I couldn’t learn how to tie a tie. What do you say?

Answer: Excuse me. Even if you, Timur Toksöz, and Sadık Tezel learn to tie a tie, it will be hard to find a tie that fits your neck, which gets thicker and shorter every day.

***

MÜCAHİT’S EXPLANATION: An inspector, whose assignment to Iğdır was made according to the Labor Law and who did not know Azeri, raids the FIRILDAK newspaper. Mecit Hun publishes the newspaper alone.

NEWS

THE LABOR INSPECTOR AND US

I was preparing the cliché for our Fırıldak when a tall, imposing man with a top hat entered without knocking. Without asking how I was, and after reminding me that he was a labor inspector:

“Are you the owner of the newspaper?”

“Yes…”

“Your chief editor?”

“Mute”

“Publication manager?”

“Fırıldakçı”

“Typesetter?”

“Me”

“Seller?”

“Myself”

“Do you have a correspondent?”

“I did, my lord. May God gather his blessings, trouble came upon us. Now Mecid Hun does it.”

“So, including you, 6 people work, right?”

“Yes”

“According to the labor law, you will cover all necessary expenses for these workers. Since this is a workplace, if you do not act according to the labor law, legal action will be taken against you.”

“Yes, sir…”

Although the inspector did not understand anything I said, he guessed that he was facing the owner of a magnificent printing house and left, even taking out a top hat for us.

CONTEMPORARY JOKES

THE GIRL AND HER MOTHER

“Daughter, don’t stay out until midnight like this. Wouldn’t it be shameful if our neighbor saw?”

“Why would it be shameful, mother? I was with the neighbor’s son.”

HER HUSBAND’S GRACE

“I will never forget the kindness my first husband did for me until the end of my life.”

“Why?”

“What’s there not to know? He died ten days after we got married. He left 15,000 lira as inheritance. Could there be greater kindness than that?”

I SAID MY DEAR!

A letter came to a friend of mine from Ankara.

“It is ordered to collect 16 kuruş for a stamp and a 50 kuruş fine, totaling 66 kuruş, because a petition he wrote to some high office once upon a time was unstamped.”

A 60 kuruş postage stamp was affixed to the envelope.

FIRILDAK NEWSPAPER END

***

Dear readers! If you wish, let me conclude today’s article with a few jokes from Iğdır’s humor anthology.

WINE AND POLITICS

In the Iğdır of the 1940s, quality wine was produced in two places: Altunzade Farm in Taşburun and Nağı Odoğlu’s private production facility. Although there was a hidden rivalry between the two wines, both were truly delicious, and it would be unfair to make a distinction between them.

In those years, there were two names fiercely competing for the mayoralty of Iğdır: Osman Ataman and Rıza Yalçın.

It is election time again. Tension in the district reaches its peak. Notables who want to intervene visit both in a delegation and persuade them to talk together at the same table.

The meeting begins. Osman Ataman and Rıza Yalçın, each at one end of the table, stare sternly at each other.

First, Altunzade Farm wines are served to the table. The wines are drunk, and the tension decreases. Soon after, this time Nağı Odoğlu wines are served to the table. The tension decreases even further.

Osman Ataman even, at one point, cannot help himself and expresses his opinion:

“These wines are truly delicious, it’s very difficult to distinguish between them.”

This time, politics is discussed. The situation becomes tense again. Osman Ataman turns to Rıza Yalçın and says:

“Let the notables decide who will be the mayor!”

Rıza Yalçın does not remain silent to this challenging offer, saying, “Accepted!”

The notables are filled with unease and thought, don’t ask. Whose side should they be on? What if the candidate they didn’t support doesn’t give up and runs and wins the elections? A terrible scenario!

Finally, they choose a spokesperson, who goes to the two mayoral candidates and announces the decision of the notables:

“You two are like these two wines served at the table. It is very difficult for us to make a distinction between you!”

THE WANDERING PARCEL

Oruç Vurgun from Iğdır establishes Iğdır Transport Warehouse in Istanbul (1955) and quickly expands his business. Initially, the transport company, founded solely to send goods for traders in Iğdır, begins to serve all cities in Eastern Anatolia as demand and interest increase.

Oruç Vurgun is a true book lover. Whenever he finds an opportunity, he reads important world classics. In the 1970s, the number of people reading books in Iğdır is steadily decreasing. Since right-left ideologies secretly deliver their books to the youth through their own channels, and only ideological books are in vogue, bookstores no longer order classic books.

One day, a parcel is sent from Istanbul to Iğdır. For some reason, this parcel goes to Kars with the wrong cargo, then to Erzurum, and then to Ağrı… The parcel travels through almost all provinces but does not go to Iğdır.

The customer waiting for the parcel sends a telegram to Istanbul, reporting the situation. Oruç Vurgun is someone who values his work being done properly. He immediately gives the necessary instructions to his assistants to find the parcel.

Finally, the sought-after parcel travels around and returns to Oruç Vurgun’s desk in Istanbul: Oruç Vurgun looks at the parcel and says:

“Let me see, my brother! Why don’t you want to go to Iğdır?”

According to legend, Oruç Vurgun opens the parcel with his own pocket knife, and inside are the most popular works of world literature.

His eyes well up:

“If I were you, by God, I wouldn’t go to Iğdır either!”

I HATE IT (ZEHLEM GEDİR)

An envoy comes to the girl’s house:

“Ms. Menşure, Memed’s son Abbas has his eye on your daughter. Just ask, does the girl want him too?”

Ms. Menşure calls her daughter aside and explains the situation:

The girl’s answer is definite:

“Oh mother, I really hate him!”

Ms. Menşure begins to explain:

“Oh girl, what are you talking about! They are the richest in the neighborhood. They have relatives everywhere.”

The girl becomes a little curious, softens. Ms. Menşure continues to explain:

“All his brothers are rich. They have three textile shops. Abbas himself has gone to Istanbul to get goods.”

The girl softens even more:

“Mother, when will Abbas return?”

Ms. Menşure continues her speech:

“Abbas has an uncle in Izmir, and an uncle in Germany. Whatever they want is at their fingertips.”

This time the girl asks anxiously:

“Oh mother! What are you saying, will Abbas marry me?”

YOU STILL HAVE TO ADD, HESEN

It is a day of grape harvest in Iğdır. Gülsüm Hanım decides to make grape molasses.

Her husband puts on his boots, crushes the black grapes at length, extracting their juice. Gülsüm Hanım places a huge cauldron over a fire she prepared in the garden and begins to boil the juice. Hesen Emmi stands beside her, adding lime and wood ash, measured by a tablespoon from the containers he holds, into the cauldron at his wife’s command. While Gülsüm Hanım stirs the cauldron with a ladle to prevent it from sticking, she also calls out to her husband:

“Oh Hesen, add some lime!”

“Oh Hesen, add some wood ash!”

Hesen Emmi, already tired from crushing grapes all day, is exhausted from standing and from his wife’s commands:

“Wife, isn’t it enough yet?”

“No, you still have to add, Hesen.”

Evening comes. The tired couple retreats to their bed. Whether it’s from the aphrodisiac effect of the molasses he ate or not, Hesen Emmi wakes up in the middle of the night and jumps on his wife with great passion and desire. Gülsüm Hanım does not hold back, and they begin to make love intensely. At one point, Hesen Emmi realizes he is tired and asks his wife:

“Wife, isn’t it enough yet?”

“No, you still have to add, Hesen.”

They continue to make love for a while longer. Hesen Emmi is truly tired. He asks again with some anger:

“Wife, isn’t it enough yet???”

“No, you still have to add, Hesen.”

Hesen Emmi can’t take it anymore and bursts out:

“Oh wife, this is not like making molasses. I have no lime left, nor wood ash.”

LET THERE BE AN EARTHQUAKE

Two Kurds from the village are walking through the streets of Iğdır. They hear music from afar and head in that direction.

There is an Azeri wedding. Shah Abbas’s son, Kral, and his team are performing the Sheikh Shamil dance in their magnificent costumes. The men fly with their hands spread like eagle wings, while the girls glide like pheasants.

At the most dynamic moment of the dance, the dancers strike the ground so hard that the earth trembles.

One of the two Kurds watches the dance with envy and jealousy. His friend nudges him with his elbow:

“Tu dibejî erddiheje!” (It’s as if there’s an earthquake!)

“I wish! I wish there was an earthquake so this house would collapse on their heads!”

The two Kurds leave and turn into another street. They hear music again.

There is a circumcision feast for an Azeri family. The boy to be circumcised is seated majestically on a chair, wearing a red cap, a Prince’s circumcision outfit, a fabric strip with “Maşallah” written on it diagonally across his chest, and holding a staff. In the garden, cooking pots are boiling, music is playing, and a huge commotion seems to shake the earth and sky.

His friend nudges him with his elbow:

“Tu dibejî erddiheje!” (It’s as if there’s an earthquake!)

“I wish! I wish there was an earthquake so this house would collapse on their heads!”

The two Kurds leave and turn into another street. They hear music again.

This time it is a Kurdish wedding. It is evening. In a small garden, under the dim light of a 40-watt bulb, people move about reluctantly in shadows, the drummer and zurna player, fed up with their lives, play discordantly as if wishing the wedding would end so they could leave, and a woman’s voice, “Zûbikin! Zûbikin! (Hurry up!)” scolds everyone in her path.

The Kurd, who had envied the magnificent Azeri wedding and circumcision ceremony, feels a pang in his heart at this sight, cannot bear it, and says:

“I wish there was an earthquake, and this house would collapse on their heads too!”